An Unexplained Journey
by K. A. Carlyle
Summary: Ireland native Kaylen Dalahunt is afraid of everything, terrible at communicating, and essentially useless. So why is it again that she ended up here, in Middle-Earth of all places? Inspired by FebruarySong, agent-of-fear, and the countless others that came before me. And Aidan Turner's eyebrows. T for language. Rest assured, I am totally making fun of myself.
1. Kaylen Margaret Dalahunt

_Summary: Kaylen Dalahunt is afraid of everything, terrible at communicating, and essentially useless. So why is it again that she ended up here, in Middle-Earth of all places? Inspired by FebruarySong, agent-of-fear, and the countless others that came before me. And Aidan Turner's eyebrows. T for language._

_Disclaimer: Unfortunately, I do not own Lord of the Rings. I also owe some credit to the hundreds of other fics out there like this one. All I can say is that the point of my own character is to make you laugh, not to be dramatic. And quite possibly because there is way too much testosterone going on in Middle-Earth. _

_Chapter One: Kaylen Dalahunt_

* * *

Kaylen Dalahunt was her name, and she really did hate it.

As far as she was concerned, 'Kaylen' sounded like breaking glass. Unfortunately, it was also one of the few female names in the English language without an acceptable nickname. She had a middle name, of course - Margaret - but that honestly wasn't much better. It sounded like something you'd call an aunt, or a grandmother, or that distant relation that your parents never talk about.

Moral of the story: she wasn't fond of her namesake. But I, my dear readership, digress.

To start off with, Kaylen's father was dead. At least, that was what her mother told her, whenever she or her brother asked. Kaylen assumed that he had abandoned them when she was very small, but that her mum didn't like to talk about it. Kaylen was fine with that. She had enough trouble as it was dealing with the everyday drama of college without worrying about her parents on the side. Sure, she got lonely, irritable. But there were few things in her life that sarcasm couldn't fix.

Kaylen fit in reasonably among the outcasts. As one of those people that never quite understood what they wanted to do with their life, she had few useful abilities to boast. She was the type of person you might expect to find reading a book or watching a movie alone on the weekends. Her hobbies were few and not exactly uncommon; she would read or write when the need arose, but she wasn't really _good_ at anything. Mostly, she just stayed out of peoples' way. Her brown hair was the colour of burnt wood, and it curled and frizzed annoyingly to a point just past her shoulders. She hated it almost as much as she hated dealing with idiots. And she _really _hated dealing with idiots.

Kaylen was your average college student. She had a great love of the Internet, a burning hatred towards all things mathematical, and a fear of insects and snakes that nearly rivaled that of Indiana Jones. She wasn't tall, or pretty in the conventional sense, but that rarely bothered her. She wore glasses to read. She still lived with her mum. All in all, she was just average.

As of right now, Kaylen Dalahunt was just that: an Irish girl living in Drogheda, awkwardly floundering as she struggled to figure out what she was going to do with her life, and completely oblivious to the fact that she now resided on the doorstep of adventure...and of death.

* * *

Tires squealed as Caroline Dalahunt turned her car around a sharp bend and accelerated too quickly. With a loud yelp from the back seat, her two children jerked against their seatbelts and were tossed into each other like clothing in a dryer. Kaylen daughter raised a hand to her forehead and rubbed her temples in exhaustion, then turned back over in her seat and faced out the window. She felt like she was in the middle of receiving the sass-attack from hell, and her mom hadn't opened her mouth once on the entire drive.

"I _am_ sorry for crashing my car," Kaylen said sheepishly. "And...making you come get me." She ran her fingers through her hair nervously and tucked her legs up in the seat underneath her. _I am so in for it._

It was funny. No matter how many times she looked back on this moment of her life, with the midnight sky flashing by overhead through a canopy of flickering street lamps, she never missed it. Not even once. See, in the beginning of her story - or any story, really - things didn't tend to go well. Perhaps that was the reason things had happened as they did.

Caroline Dalahunt's fingers curled more tightly around the wheel of her car as she fixed a cold stare at the front windshield. Still, no words came from her mouth.

_Careful with that laser vision there, mum,_ Kaylen thought. _Look any harder and you may crack the glass._

Kaylen's brother finally spoke from beside her. "It's late, Kay. We're at least an hour away from home. Maybe you should try and get some sleep?"

"What?" Kaylen snapped her head around in confusion. Maybe the late hour was getting to her head after all. "Oh, yeah. Thanks." She reached over and gave her brother's arm a grateful squeeze. With that, and another nervous glance at her mother, Kaylen curled her legs more tightly into her stomach and leaned her head against the car window. Within ten minutes, despite her concerns, she was well and truly asleep.

Ms. Dalahunt sighed and pushed down slightly harder on the pedal, agitated still by her daughter's carelessness.

She didn't even realize that she was crossing an intersection until the set of blinding headlights were right on top of her.

Kaylen's eyes flashed momentarily open, just in time for the whole world to explode in a blinding flash of white.

* * *

Kaylen's head swam as she glanced up. A bright light flared into her eyes almost immediately, causing her to yelp and reach up to block it with a hand. It took her several moments to adjust to the sudden brightness, before she realized just how strange it was that it _was_ so bright around her. Also, that she was lying down. And...was that a rock jabbing into her back? Why would there be a rock in her car?

That was right about when Kaylen's eyes snapped open to really take in the world around her.

This was also around the time that she let out a blood-curdling yell.

Standing over her were a number of silhouettes, all hunched slightly and looking thoroughly alarmed. And every one of them was armed with some kind of weapon, which were strangely enough directed right at _her_.

_Oh, bloody Peter Jackson._

"Well, _now_ I know I'm dreaming!" Kaylen declared, not to be deterred by her observers' bemused expressions. "You guys...you're...bloody hell, I must have hit my head pretty hard while I was sleeping! And, hang on a second - what are any of you doing in my head in the first place? I don't even know half of your names. Heck, I couldn't even tell you the author of your book."

Kaylen was ready to continue, but her tirade was cut short by a calm voice above her announcing simply: "she's mad."

Several loud agreements were quickly made by the voice's companions, all of whom stood over Kaylen with varying degrees of expressions across their bearded faces. Kaylen's personal favorites were the ones that seemed to be on the verge of panic attacks. Or something of the like. They wore odd, confused expressions. _So maybe then they would be 'confusion attacks'?_

"What in the Valar's name could she be doing out here, so far from the cities of Men?" a second of the short men demanded.

"Here's a thought. Why don't you just _ask _her?" Kaylen harrumphed irritably. She was ignored.

"We should get the Wizard. He'll know what to do."

"Gandalf will know nothing more than what we can determine."

"We don't even know if we can trust her yet!"

Kaylen was busily counting the short, bearded men around her. There were around a dozen that she could see, all relatively short, sturdy, and _armed. _Somehow, she'd ended up on the ground looking up at them throughout this discussion. Perhaps if she stood up, someone would notice her indignant soliloquy.

Kaylen got to her feet, but was instantly put out to find that she was nearly the same size as most of the Dwarves. _Well, that's just perfect. I'm dreaming about a movie I've only ever seen the _trailers _for, and I can't even wake myself up._

There was a shifting in the crowd before her, and Kaylen suddenly glanced up several feet to see a bearded man in long grey robes standing over her, half-smiling and half-grinning in bemusement.

Kaylen's jaw unhinged as she took in the man's pointed hat and glowing staff. "Dumbledore?" she gagged.

As confused as the wizard looked, he managed to ignore the comment and force a kinder look into his pale eyes.

"Well, my dear lady," he stated simply, "you would appear to be quite lost."

Kaylen began dusting herself off. "You have no idea," she agreed. "But I should be waking up any moment here, so take no notice of me..." she trailed off and began to pinch herself furiously, ignoring the looks she received from the others around her.

"Perhaps you would care to tell us how you got here," one Dwarf said. Kaylen felt her voice freeze in her throat, and she tried to laugh off the surprise washing over her face. She cleared her throat uneasily and glanced at her feet for inspiration.

"Well?" a second Dwarf prompted.

"Yes, yes, I'm thinking," she said, twisting around to glare her adversary in the eye. As she moved, her elbow brushed against one of the Dwarves' weapons: a bow and arrow. "Easy there, Katniss," Kaylen said to the confused-looking dwarf attached to it. There was a flicker of movement from Gandalf - some kind of hand signal - and to her great surprise, the Dwarves slowly began to lower their arms.

"How did you come to be here?" the wizard demanded.

"Er...I don't know," Kaylen responded dutifully. She cringed at the sound of the words as they hit her ears. _What a great first impression. _

"We will begin with something easier, then," Gandalf huffed out, and Kaylen got the distinct feeling that he was judging her from afar. She wrinkled her nose distastefully and took a step away from the wizard, who was still leaning rather imposingly on his staff. She didn't know what it could do, but she assumed that it was probably something cringe-worthy.

Gandalf was speaking again. "What is your name?"

"Kaylen." She coughed. "Kaylen Dalahunt. _That_ I can answer."

A blonde Dwarf with a braided mustache stepped forward, looking wary. "That is quite strange, even among the monikers of Men," he stated. Kaylen sighed and folded her arms over her chest. _Give me a break, blondie. I'm trying._

"Well, my middle name is Margaret, but no one really calls me by it, except when they're really angry with me, or my mum uses it sometimes, but it might be more, y'know, normal for the people here and stuff," she rambled. "Sorry, I talk a lot when I'm nervous, so you don't even have to listen to me or anything, just..._ignore_..."

"Perhaps she took a hit to the head." A large, bald Dwarf stepped forward, his expression dark.

"I'm not _mad_," Kaylen informed them hastily. "Really, guys. I just don't come from around here."

"And where do you come from?" this time, it was Gandalf that spoke. His impatience practically radiated across the clearing.

Kaylen groaned internally. _Should have seen _that_ one coming. _"Uh...around." She fidgeted with her hands. "Much too far for you to know, I'm sure."

"I know all of the lands across Middle-Earth well," the wizard rumbled. _Of course you do. _Kaylen studied her feet. "Which is your homeland?"

"Drogheda. I come from Ireland."

That stumped them.

"She's lying!" a Dwarf called out.

"Dunk her in the river until she speaks," a second rallied. Kaylen swallowed hard.

"Silence!" Gandalf roared. Crickets could be heard.

"I'm telling you the truth," Kaylen insisted meekly.

Gandalf stepped forwards and leaned heavily on his staff. "Be that the truth or not, your tale remains quite rudimentary. We shall require more information before we can trust you."

_Sounds fair enough, Dumbledore._

"...therefore, you shall remain with our company until you wish to finish your tale. Bind her hands, please, Master Dwarf." This last comment was aimed towards one of the others.

_Oh. Brilliant._

Warily, the dwarves that had gathered began to disperse, trudging back to the camp they had invariably been in the middle of setting up. The Dwarf with the bow and arrow made his way over to her, holding a length of rope in his hands.

"Ah, Robin Hood," Kaylen chirped sarcastically. "Here to shoot me through the eye?"

The Dwarf before her looked less-than-amused. "I have been instructed to bind your wrists," he sighed patiently. Kaylen shrugged and extended her hands, figuring there was no help for it.

"Wow. Crashed my car and got arrested in the same day. My mother would be _so_ proud," Kaylen mused. The Dwarf ignored her, simply tugging the knot around her wrists until the rope pinched her skin.

"Ouch. Could you maybe loosen that a little, or-" he was already walking away, "-no, maybe not? Okay, sure, that's fine." Kaylen trudged over to the clearing of trees the dwarves had moved to and plopped down against the trunk of a large oak. They had food. Food sounded really, really good at the moment. But no matter how long she waited or how hard she stared at the scraps of bread and meat that were being passed around, none were handed to her. She shivered against the biting wind and shrank back against the tree trunk to watch the sun go down over the hills.

_I can already tell this is going to be a long trip. _


	2. In Which There Is Much Confusion

_Disclaimer: I do not own the Hobbit. IF I owned the Hobbit, I would obviously not be writing this story. I'd be throwing lavish parties on my yacht, or living in New Zealand and rolling in money. All I can say is...one can wish._

_**Chapter Two: In Which There is Much Confusion**_

* * *

"Y'know what I'm craving right now? Guacamole. I never really liked it before, but now it's all I can think about eating. Funny how that works, isn't it?" Kaylen sighed.

"What is guacamole?" asked a nearby dwarf innocently. Kaylen nearly burst out laughing at the concerned look on his bearded face. Several of the Dwarf's elders shot him withering looks, and he shrank back, looking stung.

"It's like this green paste," Kaylen explained. "It doesn't have much of a flavor, as far as I can remember, but it's pretty good with Tostitos." She received blank looks. "Uh, never mind. It would take too long to explain anyway."

With a mixture of confused and irritated expressions, the Dwarves turned away and began muttering amongst themselves. Kaylen was ignored.

To make matters worse, it promptly started raining.

Kaylen hunched her shoulders and curled her legs up underneath her as the droplets began to drip off of the tree above her and onto her head. Her original instinct when it came to rain was to scamper inside her house and curl up under a blanket, but she obviously had neither here. She sighed dejectedly and twisted her wrists against the rope in a futile attempt to free herself.

Fortunately, the rain wasn't only affecting her. The Dwarves' fire had begun to splutter out, and the sound of many stamping hooves nearby told her that the company had brought horses - _agitated_ horses. Several of the Dwarves were dispatched to calm the ponies, whose high-pitched whinnies were now enough to call down every nasty thing in the forest for miles.

The remaining Dwarves were speaking in hushed tones around the remnants of their fire.

"-we cannot take such a route, Gandalf. And you must not forget that the lowlands are infested with Orcs."

"Yet, Master Dwarf, we may seek asylum with the elves of the valley of Rivendell. It would not do you harm to consider-"

"The elves have done nothing for us," the first Dwarf spat contemptuously, cutting Gandalf's sentence off in the middle. "We shall not seek their assistance."

Gandalf's bushy eyebrows lowered over his eyes. "Then you are a fool, Thorin Oakenshield." With that, the wizard leaned back against the trunk of a tree and produced a pipe from a pocket in his robes. Kaylen was ready to shoot a lecture in his general direction on the 'repercussions of the use of tobacco and lung cancer' - regardless of whether he listened or not - but was interrupted when something dropped onto her arm. Something skittery and _alive._

Given the current situation, Kaylen did the only logical thing: she yelped and shook her arm violently, attracting the attention of everyone in the clearing in the process.

"Whatever is the matter?" Gandalf questioned. He looked spectacularly irked.

Kaylen froze up to glance down at the creature that had decided to incur its wrath upon her arm. "Someone get it off!" she commanded loudly, flapping her arm as best she could while her hands were tied.

An exceedingly short man that was clearly not a Dwarf stood up and made his way over with a heavy frown set across his face. "Well, it's just a little spider." He picked the creature off Kaylen's arm and tossed it into the bushes. "Nothing to get worked up about."

Kaylen looked close to gagging. "I hate spiders," she declared venomously. "The hairy legs, and the fangs...and they've got way too many eyes!" She wrinkled her nose and followed along after Shortguy as he treaded back to his spot beside the dying fire.

"So..." Kaylen seated herself at the edge of the group and was greeted by complete silence and many harsh looks. "Can I get some names from you guys, or what?"

She waited a long time, but received no response. The looks she got from the Dwarves were wary and mistrusting. Gandalf simply looked nonchalant, as he sent ring after ring of spoke spiraling into the sky from his pipe. The short man and the Dwarf that had been speaking to Gandalf earlier didn't meet her eyes.

"I believe," Gandalf said at last, "that you have yet to earn this company's trust, and therefore their acceptance. Perhaps now we may receive a more thorough explanation of how you came to be here?"

Kaylen sighed, rolled her shoulders...and launched into the biggest pack of lies she had ever invented.

"I came from Ireland, which is...really far away. I live with my mum and my brother, and we're...uh...farmers! But I was traveling in the woods-"

"In the woods?" a dwarf questioned. "Which woodland would that be?"

"It was..." Kaylen stalled by tapping her feet against the ground. "...y'know, I don't really remember anymore. But-"

"That is quite enough," Gandalf interceded in a surprisingly calm voice. He sounded like a babysitter that had been working for too many hours. "When you are ready to tell the truth about how you came to arrive here, then we shall be more inclined to listen to you."

"Does she take us for fools, Gandalf?" a dwarf hissed. Several others voiced their indignant agreement.

"Hey!" Kaylen stiffened. "I'm not..." _Not what? Not lying? Of course I am. Then again, if there was a truth to be told in the first place, maybe I would have told it._

"I think we should listen to the rest of her story." Shortguy finally stood and spoke out, and Kaylen nearly squawked in surprise. Embarrassingly enough, she'd nearly forgotten that there would have to be a _hobbit _here somewhere, if the title of the book was anything to go by. It had taken her this long to recognize him.

"Do you see any truth to her tale, Master Baggins?" Gandalf asked, surprised.

"No," the hobbit said. "But I don't think she means to spy on or harm us, at any rate."

Kaylen cleared her throat. "I don't," she supplied.

Gandalf let out a long breath and leaned heavily against the trunk of a tree. "Then we would all very much appreciate it if you told us the truth of how you came hence."

_Oh, God, that's a lot of eyes. Too many people watching me. I can't- _she took a deep breath - _Okay. Um...lie. No, wait. I've already established that that doesn't work. _

"I guess you could say I'm from the future."

She was met with some of the most degrading looks she'd ever witnessed.

"Okay, um...bad way to start. But I really don't know what I'm doing here. At first, I thought I was hallucinating, or in a dream and...oh gosh, this is weird!" She shook her head furiously and struggled against her bonds. "WAKE UP! WAKE UP!"

"I do not believe her," one Dwarf concluded at last. Kaylen continued to have a muffled seizure on the ground nearby.

"She's insane," a second agreed wholeheartedly. Kaylen finally stopped thrashing against the ropes as she scraped her elbow against a tree trunk and felt blood against her arm. She just wanted to go home and sleep for a week...as long as she didn't have any more Dwarf dreams.

"Enough!" Gandalf snapped. He had been reasonably still and silent through the entire display. "I do not believe her, but I am also convinced that she is telling what she believes to be the truth."

Kaylen brightened reasonably. "So you'll un-cuff me?"

The wizard gave her a criticizing look. "Do not be foolish, my dear. There are still questions of your history that must be addressed, and at the very least you would be killed within minutes when wandering alone in these woods. You will remain with this company until safer lands are reached; not more than a few days, at most." He paused before adding, "and I admit that I am most amused at your _own_ lack of questions, considering the circumstances."

Kaylen ignored the many tirade-worthy implications in Gandalf's speech. "I woke up on a hillside," she shrugged. "Or fell asleep; whichever. Not much to be questioned."

At that, the conversation was abandoned.

The Dwarves began the slow process of unfolding bedrolls and moving about the clearing in search of space to sleep. Kaylen glanced down at the ground. No matter how much she searched, every inch of it looked slushy from the rain and immensely uncomfortable.

At long last, she chose a spot of ground that seemed drier than the others and hunched into a sitting position. She had no coat for the cold, so she was left to battle the icy chill in a tee shirt and jeans. The Dwarves continued to converse quietly, even laughing every so often, while Kaylen watched from the ground and counted the twigs around her.

There was a sudden rustling in the trees, and two of the Dwarves came into the clearing. Water slicked from their coats and hair. Kaylen recognized them; the blonde dwarf and the archer she'd spoken briefly to earlier. They looked royally miffed.

"What happened?" the Dwarf Gandalf had been speaking to demanded, rising quickly to his feet. Kaylen was so startled by his sudden appearance that she nearly sprang out of her skin. She knew in the back of her mind that he was important, but he'd been so quiet she hadn't even noticed him there the whole time.

_Well, he looks pretty pissed,_ she observed bluntly. _Just glad I'm not the recipient of _that_ death glare..._

"One of the ponies broke for the river," Robin Hood responded. He looked about as happy as a rain-drenched cat, Kaylen realized with a muffled snort of laughter.

"...and Kili nearly drowned us both trying to get it back," Blondie added with a glare like steel. Still, a faint trace of humor occupied his eyes, and Kaylen found herself snickering into her sleeve. If interesting stuff like this happened all the time here, maybe it wouldn't be so bad.

The younger of the two, supposedly Kili, shot his companion a glare, then marched across the clearing to take a seat beside the remains of the fire. With an exceedingly long sigh, the other dwarf followed suit.

Kaylen flinched as another raindrop fell onto her head. _This is going to be a fun night, I can tell. _

Despite her assurance that every raindrop in the sky plunked straight onto her face, Kaylen finally managed to fall asleep.

* * *

**Author's Note: **Well, I had assumed this would get pretty mixed opinions. Thank you to all the people who reviewed, no matter what those opinions were! Here's a few responses to everyone that was kind enough to comment.

**Pearlbunny - **I know. I sympathize. *hands chocolate.* As to WHY, well, the short answer is that I need writing practice. And I'm in a Hobbit mood. And I think that some of the tension from the movie needs a bit of modern-day sarcasm. And Middle-Earth needs more women! Hopefully Kaylen won't prove to be too annoying for you. ;)

**LydiaofNarnia - **Thanks very much! I tried really hard to make her different from all those other Sues running around with their tragic histories and their cursed beauty and such. Just a normal person was the idea! Hopefully this chapter doesn't disappoint.

**GallifreyanRomana - **I'm sorry Kaylen annoys you. If it's any consolidation, she annoys me too at times! All I can say is she might get better as her story goes on.

**Luna - **Why thank you! I'm so happy to hear that! I just want to explode into rainbows now. ;D

**Author's Note #2:** I'm sorry this isn't quite following the movie OR the book at the moment. I intend for it to follow the movie, since there was more character development and dialogue there. Hopefully I'll get this proverbial train back on the tracks by the next chapter. I'll follow the movie dialogue for as long as I can. After that...I'll improvise. That seems to be my strong suit at the moment. No worries; I have read the book!


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